How many times have you woke up in the morning hit snooze turned over and was like five more minutes? How many times have you said not today? When your life is filled with activity and purpose all you want to do is rest however when that activity is taken away you begin to long for the very thing you admonished. This morning I woke up in pain for I literally sleep, eat, bathe, and live on a 39x80 cot with a pad in a 200 square foot space that I do not have freedom to roam about. I have to ask someone to dump my urine, help me in the bed, give me food, and pass me items. I miss my life, I miss my daughter, I miss my freedom, I miss seeing wild flowers blow in the breeze, I miss hearing the birds chirping alerting me that it is indeed day, I miss...
Okay so a prerequisite to being in the hospital is that i get stuck and prodded all the time. Which means I am forced to face one of my worse fears "needles!" I despise needles for the pain it causes and inflicts when used improperly. So imagine my trepidation when I was admitted into the hospital and not only had to give blood but have an iv installed. Fast forward four days three nights, one blown vein, two iv's releasing fluid in the skin not the vein, and an extremely bruised arm and you got...one terrified writer! Petrified, I wondered what would come of my arm...would I still have one that worked properly after leaving
As of late I have been using the internet as a tool to block out and numb the pain of uselessness that I feel in my life. I struggle for I really don't know how many more days I can go with purpose in my heart but never any evidence that I will ever achieve the fruition of it ever being.
In five mine it will be an hour that I have been waiting for the police to arrive... Aside from running a little late my morning began like any other morning so of course I would have never imagined that within two hours time of me getting up that i would not only be involved in an accident but be the one at fault for it occurring. So much is taking place in my life right now.
"This time I'm gonna be stronger I'm not giving in" As that phrase resonates in my head, heart and soul all I can think is "I'm not giving in!" Today introduces the beginning of a new day and week. I rejoice for the pain, struggle, and difficulty of my yesterday did not have the ability to stop, kill, destroy or defeat me. Outdoors I sit, contemplating if, the hope I feel is truly prevalent. I have inner joy and some extremely small yet guarded faith that has
As the water from my shower mingled with my tears I wondered as I had so many times before "What am I going to do?" At that moment I was stricken. I was troubled by the cold hand of fear that had shackled me with doubt and filled me with disbelief. As I stood in the shower I remembered how it once was easy for me to believe, to have faith, and to take chances.