Thankful yet un-pleased. Happy yet sad. Blessed yet in need. As some may know and many may not I am pregnant! On Sunday May 15, 2016 my water broke, at only 22 weeks pregnant it looked like I was about to go into labor. However after the initial shock of fear and distraught I became hopeful, not truly realizing or focusing on the reality at hand. I was just purely happy. Though my water broke entirely to early I was glad my baby still had a chance at life.
As of late I have been using the internet as a tool to block out and numb the pain of uselessness that I feel in my life. I struggle for I really don't know how many more days I can go with purpose in my heart but never any evidence that I will ever achieve the fruition of it ever being.
In five mine it will be an hour that I have been waiting for the police to arrive... Aside from running a little late my morning began like any other morning so of course I would have never imagined that within two hours time of me getting up that i would not only be involved in an accident but be the one at fault for it occurring. So much is taking place in my life right now.
As the water from my shower mingled with my tears I wondered as I had so many times before "What am I going to do?" At that moment I was stricken. I was troubled by the cold hand of fear that had shackled me with doubt and filled me with disbelief. As I stood in the shower I remembered how it once was easy for me to believe, to have faith, and to take chances.